Do you ever just want to take a risk? Do something completely wild and unusual simply because your heart is urging you to take the chance? That's sort of how I feel right now. It's past midnight and I just finished watching a film that was about self discovery, among other things, and it's made me stop and reflect on my life. I feel as though I hesitate too much. I think we all do. We become too afraid of failure that we don't even try at all. I think that's failing anyway. Fear has such a firm grip on my life, and I'm unsure how to let go of it and just live. To be unapologetically honest and intentional in all that I do.
There are so many words and thoughts that float around my mind on a daily basis, most of which I keep to myself. But imagine if I said some of these things that I was thinking. I wonder what would become of it. Sometimes refraining from saying something can be a good thing, and other times it just hinders you from happiness. I definitely need to speak more honestly than I do. It's not that I lie, it's just that there are so many things I wish I could say, but don't. It could be complimenting a stranger on their outfit, telling a boy how I really feel, being openly honest about how I feel with certain friendships, or perhaps just making it known that I don't feel comfortable anymore. These are unspoken words; haunting words.
I remember reading something written by Taylor Swift once and she said, "there is a time for silence. There is a time for waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it. I don't think you should wait. I think you should speak now." That was taken from the prologue of her Speak Now album booklet. I highly recommend you read the whole thing because it's brilliant. I don't want to be haunted by all the words I never said and the chances I never took, but I don't know how to say those words or how to take those chances. Whenever an opportunity is presented I freeze and end up convincing myself of all the reasons why it's a bad idea and why it will never work. That's unhealthy and it's stopping me from truly living authentically. I don't want to be the reason I'm held back. I want to set myself free.
I guess I've written all this to say that you should speak now, and so should I. You should kiss that guy, profess your feelings, write that letter, quit that job, book that trip, and live as honestly and truly as you possibly can. I don't want to find myself filled with regret because I was just too scared to try. I suppose this as much as a reminder for me as it is for you. These are the words that I need to hear. Life is incredibly precious, and sadly with the tragic events in Paris today, that only confirms this truth. The fact of the matter is that we are not totally in control, and the next day is never a guarantee. But why isn't that reality enough? Why do we still live in such fear over all the things that could possibly go wrong if we just spoke the truth? I wish I knew the answer.
I want to be brave enough and bold enough to just live. To simply be myself in every single area. To allow God to position me exactly where I need to be, and to fill me with the words I need to say (and the courage to say them). Without Him, I would be nothing. I think that perhaps we need to live a little more fearlessly. I don't think this journey will be easy, but I believe it will be worth it. So here's to living a more authentic life, refusing to be held back by fear, and trusting in God's perfect grace and plan every step of the way! And remember that as long as the sun continues to rise each morning, there is still hope and a chance to make a change.
Love, S.
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